I've found myself, several times over the past week, being very judgmental. Pride creeps up and voices a betterment over other people. Lies from the Enemy want me to believe that my sin is insignificant compared to that of others. I've found myself disappointed in someone--not because I was upset with him, but because I felt embarrassed. Complete selfishness. As a friend reminded me a few days ago, the only difference between my sin and the next guy's is that mine hasn't been exposed yet. How true that is! I always find it such a bittersweet time to have the Lord convict me. I know that He disciplines His children, and I know that sin would be no big deal if I didn't have the gift of salvation, but seeing more of the depths of my depravity is so painful.
While life has been somber the past few days, it's also been absolutely chaotic. I have only 3 days of class before the semester ends, but I have tons of work to be done in that short time. Sometimes, it seems completely overwhelming. To make matters worse, when I feel like I've gotten ahead, something else comes up and smacks me in the face. Today, I felt like I had a good handle on the subject matter. I felt very prepared, even telling one of my classmates that I had some "rocking awesome ideas". My teacher didn't agree, and told me that she felt it was not my best work and that there was a chance I needed to redo the assignment. It was her professionally polite way of saying that I possibly failed, but she'd "let [me] know by the end of the day". :( We do have two chances to pass the huge grades like today's, but I was looking so forward to being that much closer to the end. On the way home, through the tears, God reminded me with His faithful, loving words..."Sarah, be careful where you stand. Take heed that you do not fall."
Several times recently, regardless of how the events of life are playing out, I've been reminded of a song that I've grown to appreciate. It's words were written by Charles Wesley in the 1700's, and they remain so rich today.
Come, Thou long expected Jesus
Born to set Thy people free;
From our fears and sins release us,
Let us find our rest in Thee.
Israel’s Strength and Consolation,
Hope of all the earth Thou art;
Dear Desire of every nation,
Joy of every longing heart.
Born Thy people to deliver,
Born a child and yet a King,
Born to reign in us forever,
Now Thy gracious kingdom bring.
By Thine own eternal Spirit
Rule in all our hearts alone;
By Thine all sufficient merit,
Raise us to Thy glorious throne
I really feel like this has been the cry of my heart over the past few days. Saying that, however, I struggle with feeling that way, because while I'm eager for His return, I feel like I'm not content with the now. I feel like I don't make the most of every opportunity today. I feel like there's much left undone--things for which I'll be held accountable. I struggle with knowing how to balance these two things out.
Your thoughts?
The process of sanctification, of being made more and more into His image--what wonderful pain! We have the struggle between self and the Spirit. But even when we are walking in the Spirit there is still the constant tension that we live in. The reality and grace of experiencing great joy in believing Christ, and the reality and grace of experiencing the burdens and sufferings of Christ.
ReplyDeleteWe know Him and the freedom that He has given us so we have great joy in loving God and wanting Him to be talked about and cherished and worshiped and sought after. But we also see Him standing, looking and weeping, "O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the city that kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to it! How often would I have gathered your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you would not."
Even He, who never wasted a moment on self, but sinlessly lived to do His Father's will knew the agony of seeing God, who is love, rejected.
Don't allow the enemy to make you feel defeated by this world. I too wish I could see things happen better, quicker, but God knows--and He really does work ALL things for good to those who love Him to those who are called according to His purpose in Christ Jesus.
When you feel weak, glory in that because it is truth--we are weak--but His grace is sufficient, His power is made perfect in weakness.
The reality that we could always have done more is always there. But in reality we can do nothing apart from Him.--If we live each moment, each breath, conscious of Christ and consciously surrendered to Him to do the will of God, then no matter what the enemy wants to make you think or feel, you can know that you are in the will of God and you are doing His will. And even when we don't know how or what to pray for the Spirit intercedes for us, as does Christ.
We must avoid even the temptation of thinking that something else we could have done would have helped God fulfill His purposes.
He IS accomplishing ALL of His will and purposes of bringing glory to Himself through Jesus Christ.
Love God, rest in Him; love others, and remember that even the sins that we find still coming from within us have already been forgiven. But we need to continue to repent of them, and realize that it is because of the presence of those still existing sins for which the process of sancitification is still needed.
But praise God, we have the promise of glorification. God has saved us; He is saving us; and He will finally and fully save us one great day.
I love you.