Trust and Obey

Sometimes I find myself not knowing the next step to take. I long for clear, big painted pictures of God's plan. I want to know what He has next. I want to do what is most pleasing to Him. I want to be as close to Him as I possibly can. But how? How do I get there? How do I know what that next step is? Where do I find the road map that lays out His plan? Yes, you can answer, "The Word." I agree with you, but that seems so incredibly overwhelming. I mean, good grief, where do you start. More applicable for me this night is remembering a few simple, specific truths from that Word.

Sometimes it means doing the seemingly mundane things in life. Just doing what I know is right. Just pray. Stop in the middle of the pain, the confusion, the sense of helplessness, the hurt I feel for my friend, the words that I feel I don't have to speak to her, the inadequacy I feel, the fear I want to keep me from sharing the Gospel, the temptation to please man rather than God, the unbelief, the sin. Just stop...and pray. Take the next step. Live the next five minutes. Take the thoughts of those five minutes captive to Christ. Ask for grace to listen, to learn, to forgive, to believe, to help, to understand, to surrender. Once those five minutes are over, thank Him for His grace. Ask for help for the next five minutes. Take the next step. Keep living life.

Often, I just need to remind myself of the promises of God. I am promised so many things in Him, and I take them for granted. I forget that He promises to finish the work He started. He promises to never leave or forsake me. He promises to be like a husband to me. He promises a covenant relationship with me. He promises to fulfill the desires of my heart. He promises to purge me of sin. He promises to heal my broken heart. He promises His friendship. He promises and inheritance. He promises to make all things right one day. He promises to be always sovereign, always powerful, always holy, always right, always just, always pure. May I not forsake these promises, but may they ever be on my heart and mind.

I was talking with a friend tonight about some of these things, and a hymn came up in our conversation. The words are so simple, but they seem to sum up my thoughts quite well. May this be the cry of my heart:

When we walk with the Lord in the light of His Word,
What a glory He sheds on our way!
While we do His good will, He abides with us still,
And with all who will trust and obey.

• Refrain:
  Trust and obey, for there’s no other way
  To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.

Not a shadow can rise, not a cloud in the skies,
But His smile quickly drives it away;
Not a doubt or a fear, not a sigh or a tear,
Can abide while we trust and obey.

Not a burden we bear, not a sorrow we share,
But our toil He doth richly repay;
Not a grief or a loss, not a frown or a cross,
But is blessed if we trust and obey.

But we never can prove the delights of His love
Until all on the altar we lay;
For the favor He shows, for the joy He bestows,
Are for them who will trust and obey.

Then in fellowship sweet we will sit at His feet,
Or we’ll walk by His side in the way;
What He says we will do, where He sends we will go;
Never fear, only trust and obey.

Just so you know I didn't make this up...

It is absolutely amazing when God does a work in a person's heart and provides new desires, new interests, new convictions, and possibly the most mind-blowing for me, a new peace.

I feel like that's exactly where I am. Three or four weeks ago, I would have laughed in your face if you would have said I'd be here. I mean, I literally made a comment that is so contradictory to where I'm at right now. The past few weeks have been crazy with a capital c. God is giving me new heart desires; He is redirecting the paths of my heart, and He's literally giving me new affections...ones that weren't there three weeks ago. My mom is probably the only human I've talked to that has heard the "before" and "after" sides of this story. I probably don't make sense, and that's okay. You may think I'm crazy, and I'm alright with that. I know what's on my heart, and I know what God has been doing lately, and it's exciting.

What's even more exciting than all this is the new peace that has been given. It's that peace that passes all understanding, guarding my heart and mind in Christ Jesus. It's absolutely beautiful. It's immensely comforting, and it reminds me how grateful I am to have hope and joy in Christ.

Running to the Finish

Sometimes I wish I could just hear God speak in an audible voice, and I wish the words I would hear would be the specific instructions on what to do in this moment, how to act today, where He is leading me now, and how to handle all the emotions and such that come along with those workings.

So often, I find myself longing for more. I've heard people talk about a gaping hole in their hearts until Christ enters and fills that void. I guess what I'm experiencing is similar, but it's very different. I know joy. I know peace. I know love. The One who is all of those things redeemed me. I am His. As marvelous as this is, I still know pain. My heart hurts, and I long for the parts of His plan that have yet to be revealed. Because I do know joy, peace, and love, though, there are times...fairly often...that I am given grace to be completely content in the midst of reality. No sooner have I thanked God for His kindness in this way am I blind-sided, and quite frankly bombarded with the temptations from the world to be discontent. Today I had the thought, "Look, I just fought the battle that you are trying to start again. Get over it, and put your eyes on Jesus."

Here's my question, a question that a friend of mine and I were discussing not too long ago: How do you show the world...better yet, other believers...that they need what you have (ie. contentment in Christ, acknowledgement that there's enough grace, complete satisfaction in the Lover of your soul, willingness to face persecution of ANY and every sort) without being prideful or offensive (which may or may not be something worth fearing...what can man do to me, anyway?)

It reminds me of Paul. How do you suppose it came across to the Corinthians when he exhorted them to be imitators of himself? He had to be full of the gospel, full of passion and love for God's people, full of humility, patience, grace. I keep running, and I keep looking side to side to see who's with me. I'm encouraged to see a familiar face, but I wish some more of the folks would act upon the quickly approaching finish line.

Oh, to be like Him!

One thing can only be 'like' something else if the latter is bigger, greater, more significant than the former. A picture is like a landscape, and not vice versa. A daughter is able to be like her mother only because her mother existed first and serves as the very validation of such a comment being made. The landscape has more value than the picture, and the mother is greater than the daughter in the sense that she lives out her personality before her daughter, who seems to emulate characteristics of that personality, was even born.

I realize that, up against God, all analogies fail, but bear with me. God is not like us, but we are being made like Him. God is holy, uniquely different from us, so he cannot be "a better version of us", but does Scripture not tell us to be holy like He is holy? Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that one day we will be equal to God in His holiness, but this I know for sure is that we were made in His image. He was not made in ours. He sent His Son to become like us (whoa, wait...what?!), to justify us with Himself. God, the Father is now sanctifying us to be more and more like Him. Oh, for the day of glorification when we get to see the perfected, finished work of the One we are like!

ramblings

No, I don't own a television. Yes, I went to the movies with my grandmother on Monday night. Yes, I still use the post office. No, I don't own a Mac. Yes, I'll most likely have lunch with someone in their nineties tomorrow. Yes, I, along with Lauren Smothers and two of the VanNeste boys are the only non-college, pre-marriage people who stuck with it. No, I've never dyed my hair. Yes, I prefer Truth over humor. No, I don't like animals. Yes, my brothers and daddy have a say. Yes, I talk to my mom nearly every day. Now, hi, my name is Sarah. Would you like to go on?

Tears of joy?

Sometimes when I step back and look at life from a bigger perspective than my selfish, Sarah-colored lenses, I'm fascinated and amazed at how intricately God is weaving every single tiny detail of this story together. He really is orchestrating even the minutest of sounds into something gloriously pleasant to His ears...and it's for my good. What?!

It happens fairly often that I just need to cry. There are probably many girls who say this, but it's pretty accurate for me. I mean, about half the time, I literally have no reason to be crying. It's just something I need to do. About 40% of the time, I know why I'm crying, but it's not a legitimate reason to be doing so. The other ten percent of the time (and that's probably being generous), I am crying about something that's worth it. I'm not sure how you'd classify tonight.

There've been lots of changes in my life recently, and I'm grateful. Because of those changes, though, I am experiencing lots of different emotions all at one time. I've personally watched and felt God change the desires, affections, and convictions of my heart. I'll even be so bold as to say He's doing it right now as these tear-stained cheeks fight back more salty water. It's times like this that I'm so grateful that He's at work, but I'm reminded that I can't trust my heart, for it's deceitful and wicked above all things. It evokes in me, though, even more gratitude for my Father, who knows my heart. Even in the pain, confusion, and sadness, though, I can honestly say I know joy. It's not always surface level, but it's there--rooted down deep, all the time making more roots in my soul...roots that sustain that which bears fruit, even in the midst of heavy rain.

weird

I realized tonight that if I don't purposely fill my time with meaningful tasks, my free time is quickly wasted on futile facebook updates, roamings around the apartment, eating the second or third snack of the night, feeling sorry for myself, or looking at pictures for the 5th time in a row. When I read, I learn. When I write, I comprehend. Through writing, I make sense of my thoughts, I learn more of the depths of my soul, and I'm driven to the cross and repentance, where I am healed. It's a beautiful thing. That being said, here's an attempt to write more often.

Recently, I've been thinking a lot about the differences I've noticed in my thoughts, convictions, values, and such as compared to the world--even as compared to other believers. It so often seems that I have a different opinion/thought process/value system/list of priorities than most people I'm around...in every area of life. Here's an example. My co-workers are busting their tails at 2nd and 3rd jobs (aside from their full time positions) to make money they don't need. For what? Logic would assume the reason to be in order to pay for the stuff they don't need. See my point? Learn to live within your means, and do so without losing your sanity.

Maybe I'm super weird for wanting a family (and a life fit to enjoy them) someday. Call me a strange bird since I like leaving the workplace after 8 hours and having time to enjoy a run at the park. I don't even care if you think it's crazy that I prefer cooking than eating out. So what. Shoot, it doesn't even phase me when you call me a fool for being 23 and seeking the Lord about what to do with this money I'm not used to having, versus putting it all in a Life Insurance policy or 401K or even a savings account.

All I can say is this world is not my home. I'm so thankful for that promise. I'm longing for a new heaven and a new earth. Come, Lord Jesus. Until then, I'll just keep being weird.