This Pilgram's Progress

"Faith purifies the heart; unbelief keeps the heart polluted."--John Bunyan

The timing of the Father is incredible. For the past few weeks, God's been dealing with some deep-rooted issues in my heart--issues that I haven't wanted to think about. The Holy Spirit's gone places where I didn't want it to go. I've thought deeply about things that I wanted to store away in the very back filing folders of my mind. I've wrestled with feelings of lonliness, inadequacy, laziness. God has revealed idols in my life. At my very core, I want to run and hide, pretending not to be aware of the things that are happening, but there's a small inkling of my spirit that cries out, "Hallelujah! He still hasn't left."

Over the past week or so, while all of this has been happening, I've been reminded of a small gem that was shown me two summers ago. Two small words that, up until that point, I had more than likely overlooked..."consider Jesus". These two words are found in Hebrews 3:1. Two years ago, those words spoke volumes in my life, and today, they are doing the same thing. In everything, consider Jesus. In my relationships with people, am I entirely focused on making myself look the best I can, or do I consider Jesus? In my free time, do I spend countless hours on meaningless, selfish pleasure, or do I consider Jesus? In my time with the Lord, am I trying to make excuses for not spending time with Him, or do I consider Jesus? In my singleness, am I having a pity party, or do I consider Jesus?

I've found myself considering all that He's been doing in my life recently. While some of it has been painful, I'm encouraged by the fact that He's working. As Elisabeth Elliot says, "Pruning is part of the growing process." Bethany Dillon also makes this points as she sings, "Anything must die to rise again." Oh, and who could forget when Dolly Parton said, "If you want the rainbow, you gotta' take the rain." The growing, the rising, the rainbow--I saw glimpses of them tonight. I had already been thinking about my beloved, aforementioned, simple phrase when I get to Bible study and realize we are starting a new study on none other than Hebrews. We talked a lot about faith, talking briefly about the things in life that cause unbelief in our hearts. I was immediately drawn back to the loneliness, the inadequacy, and the laziness.

Why are these things prevalent in my thoughts? I allow them to be. I fill up void time with useless crap. Instead of reading, I watch television. Instead of spending time in the Word, I sleep. Instead of investing in the lives of people, I focus on myself. Instead of having a purified mind, I have a polluted one. Instead of having faith, I harbour unbelief. Oh, that I may be able to fully understand what Mr. Bunyan meant. Oh, that I may be full of faith!