The weather in Nashville is crazy. I moved here in August 2009. The winter of 2009/2010 brought more snow than Nashville had seen in years, or so I was told. Then there was the flood in May 2010 when it seemed to have rained more than ever before (now, I realize it our good friends, Harpeth and Cumberland). I think I've seen it snow more in the past year and half than I've ever seen in my life. Maybe that's not entirely true, but that's sure what it feels like. It has flurried several times in the past couple of weeks, which is incredibly exciting for someone who has seen it legitimately snow (not ice) only a handful of times in her life. Today, December 12 (yes, BEFORE Christmas) it's snowing again. Only this time, it's sticking! I feel like a little kid. I'm pretty sure the last time I saw a lot of snow, not counting last year, was during Spring Break (!!!) in 2008. Again, that was in TN, and you never know what the weather will do here. I guess we will wait and see what the rest of the day brings!

Pictures: top, Nashville, Winter 2009; middle, Millington, Spring 2008; right and bottom, Nashville, Fall 2010

Question mark inside or outside the quotation marks?

Dear Grammar Fairy,

I have a few questions and concerns, and I felt it best to write you, directly. As I'm writing this, the clock on the wall shows a late hour, so to save myself the headache of trying to compose the following thoughts into a cohesive, flowing letter, I'll simply number them, and you can do with it what you will.

1. Please tell me that I'm not alone when I cringe at the incorrect usage of "your" and "you're".

2. Can you please differentiate between "despite" and "in spite of"?

3. Let's remind all people that, "Then tells when."

4. Perhaps you, of all people, have reason to inform all how to spell "grammar".

5. When sentences are ended with prepositions, my face grows sad.

6. I must confess: I often improperly use pronouns when talking about me and others. :/

7. Comma splices.... :(

8. Could you instruct us how to correctly use the -- in a sentence?

9. Brownies are done. People are finished.

10. What's up with the homonyms and homophones in the English language? I mean, seriously!

I'm sure there are more, but for now, I'm headed to bed. School ends tomorrow, and I couldn't be any more excited!!!!

Toodles.

Life, Recently

I've been in a whirlwind of emotions over the past week. While spending joyous, long-awaited, greatly anticipated, much needed time with my family, I was soberly convicted and reminded of the reality of Heaven and Hell in the death of a girl I grew up with. Over the past few days, I've had to beg for God's forgiveness in not ministering to her and others I was around every day in school. I've had to come to terms with the fact that I'm not responsible for her death, but I do have a responsibility to those around me. If I don't assume this weighty responsibility, I'm very much in the wrong, and I'll have to give an account to God for that. Oh, that I may be like the moon, reflecting the sun so that others see Him alone when they look at me.

I've found myself, several times over the past week, being very judgmental. Pride creeps up and voices a betterment over other people. Lies from the Enemy want me to believe that my sin is insignificant compared to that of others. I've found myself disappointed in someone--not because I was upset with him, but because I felt embarrassed. Complete selfishness. As a friend reminded me a few days ago, the only difference between my sin and the next guy's is that mine hasn't been exposed yet. How true that is! I always find it such a bittersweet time to have the Lord convict me. I know that He disciplines His children, and I know that sin would be no big deal if I didn't have the gift of salvation, but seeing more of the depths of my depravity is so painful.

While life has been somber the past few days, it's also been absolutely chaotic. I have only 3 days of class before the semester ends, but I have tons of work to be done in that short time. Sometimes, it seems completely overwhelming. To make matters worse, when I feel like I've gotten ahead, something else comes up and smacks me in the face. Today, I felt like I had a good handle on the subject matter. I felt very prepared, even telling one of my classmates that I had some "rocking awesome ideas". My teacher didn't agree, and told me that she felt it was not my best work and that there was a chance I needed to redo the assignment. It was her professionally polite way of saying that I possibly failed, but she'd "let [me] know by the end of the day". :( We do have two chances to pass the huge grades like today's, but I was looking so forward to being that much closer to the end. On the way home, through the tears, God reminded me with His faithful, loving words..."Sarah, be careful where you stand. Take heed that you do not fall."

Several times recently, regardless of how the events of life are playing out, I've been reminded of a song that I've grown to appreciate. It's words were written by Charles Wesley in the 1700's, and they remain so rich today.

Come, Thou long expected Jesus
Born to set Thy people free;
From our fears and sins release us,
Let us find our rest in Thee.
Israel’s Strength and Consolation,
Hope of all the earth Thou art;
Dear Desire of every nation,
Joy of every longing heart.

Born Thy people to deliver,
Born a child and yet a King,
Born to reign in us forever,
Now Thy gracious kingdom bring.
By Thine own eternal Spirit
Rule in all our hearts alone;
By Thine all sufficient merit,
Raise us to Thy glorious throne

I really feel like this has been the cry of my heart over the past few days. Saying that, however, I struggle with feeling that way, because while I'm eager for His return, I feel like I'm not content with the now. I feel like I don't make the most of every opportunity today. I feel like there's much left undone--things for which I'll be held accountable. I struggle with knowing how to balance these two things out.

Your thoughts?

Sam Well

Because Griffin turns 18 on Wednesday, I thought I'd bring out some photo memories that I have of the two of us. There are some that go much further back than these, but I don't have virtual copies of them. I'll attempt here to use these pictures to tell some of the reasons why Samuel Griffin Metcalf is, by far, one of my favourite people on the planet.

10. You want to talk about silly? This kid is the definition of silly. He, however, keeps me laughing. I can be in a terrible mood, and a single word from him causes nothing but laughter. There have even been times that he's the very reason I'm in a bad mood, and within 5 minutes, he cracks me up.

9. Although he's the younger of my two brothers, he takes care of me as if he's years older than I. About two years ago, he jokingly assured me that he would do a background check on my next "friend". That's our relationship. We can mess with each other, but if outsiders mess with one of us, the other one will be on you "like a spider monkey".

8. He's willing to hang out with my Garrett and me. When the three of us are together, we have insane amounts of fun. Inside jokes beyond what you can imagine, and we make one incredible Catch Phrase team!

7. He's had pretty big changes in the past year or so, and overall, he's adapted well and been compliant with my parents. He had to leave a school and friends that he loved. He moved to a different state--a state he knew nothing about. He had to change churches, too. He knew no one except my parents,

which I'm sure, was rough. Through it all, though, he's made comments about knowing that he's still under mom and dad's authority, so he supports whatever God calls them to do.

6. Griffin loves people, and he can make a friend out of anyone. It's awesome to see the heart God has given him and is continuing to shape to be so welcoming and loving to those who too often are overlooked, ignored, and mistreated.

5. I miss him. Lots.

4. He's smart as a whip. The kid rarely has to study for anything. At the top of his class, he's not your typical geek. Yeah, he's a self-admitted nerd at times, but he's such a well-rounded kid. Everybody likes him. He sets a good example for those around him, not putting up with people's crap. He's very much one of the most popular kids in school, and such is so for good,

healthy reasons. How often does that happen?! You know what I mean? Most popular kids are popular because they are willing to compromise their standards on the weekend, because it's "cool" to rebel, and such. Griffin's different. He's cool, but this is true because he's such a good kid. He's kind, he's smart, he's athletic. He has a backbone. He's the whole package.

3. He's not afraid to be himself.

2. He has instilled in me a desire to be healthy--to eat more healthy foods and to exercise on a more regular basis. He's all about running, and he's an absolute beast when he runs. I'm nowhere near his calibur of physical fitness, but he helps me be a healthier me. Even though he's way more in shape than I, he is patient with me and makes a point to include me when we are together. One time, he and I went for a run. Even though he could have runs lots faster than he did, he intentionally ran more slowly to stay so I wouldn't be alone. It took a great deal of humility to do that. I'm telling you...he's awesome.

1. He loves the Lord. To hear him pray or discuss the things God is doing in his heart and life is such a blessing! He will make such a great boyfriend and husband, some day. I'm so proud of him for not giving into dating before God ordains it time. If you can't tell, I'm pretty stinkin' proud of Griffin. It is such a great privilege to be his sister! Happy birthday, Giffeh. I love you!

I want to be praying for...

submission to parents - vision - character - a shepherding king - strength - power - a warrior - faith - wisdom - a mentor - heart - love - a friend - a protector - a defender - gentleness - servanthood - courage - respect - accountability - submission to God's authority - accountability - genuineness - faithfulness - commitment - time spent with God - a guide - a provider - dedication - a hard-worker - mercy - investment in the younger, less mature - transparency - honesty - willingness to listen - sharing of successes and failures - connection - deliberation - consideration of others - balance - communication - authenticity

The First 25

I'm not sure why I'm so into making lists as of late, but here's another for you.

Top Reasons I'm Looking Forward to Christmas Break:

1. Christmas lights!!!!

2. I want to volunteer at a soup kitchen.

3. I will be able to leisure read.

4. Hot cocoa makes me smile.

5. All three siblings under one roof??? Yessir!

6. Slumber party with Mallory Huber

7. Christmas carols on the radio make driving time more enjoyable.

8. Putting up the Christmas tree with Jennifer Metcalf is a tradition that can't be broken, yet.

9. Christmas trees, in general :)

10. There's something magical about being able to see your breath on a cold day.

11. NO MORE SCHOOL!!!!

12. bulky sweaters

13. turtle necks

14. warm, Christmas socks :)

15. reading the story of Jesus' birth with my family

16. CPR recertification? I'm a nerd.

17. Christmas choir!

18. Loukas time

19. annual sibling picture

20. There's something to enjoy about finding that perfect gift for people.

21. Hearing the Salvation Army jingle bells is completely nostalgic.

22. Christmas parades

23. Bellevue sing Christmas tree

24. It's a Wonderful Life :)

25. I'm determined to watch A Christmas Story in its entirety, for the first time ever (!!!) this year.

There's more to come, kids. I'm excited.

Mothers Amaze Me

I seriously think that when lady becomes a mother, she receives this whole new set of superhuman abilities. It's almost like Peter Parker when he's in the Spiderman suit. I joke with my mom that I'll be the worst mom ever because I can sleep through anything. I have this fear that I won't hear my kids crying in the night. She, along with others, has assured me that "something happens when you become a mother", and for sure, I'll hear my children crying. We shall see, I suppose. Nevertheless, mothers amaze me. All mothers.

I can be having a crummy day, when I get a phone call from my mom. I can intentionally try to make my voice sound like everything is fine, and her first words after "Hello" are "Are you okay? What's going on?" When I tell her I'm fine, it's always, "What's wrong?" in this pathetic, I-know-you're-lying-because-I'm-your-mother voice. How does she do that?

This morning, I had another Mothers Amaze Me moment. The lady I live with--who granted, is not my mother but is a mother, nonetheless--was able to know that I didn't feel well without even seeing me. She knocks on my door and basically told me to stay home and rest "if" I didn't feel well. What in the world! Spy cameras? ESP? Psychic? More like motherhood. It's amazing.

Hopefully some day I'll be as amazing as these and so many other women I know.

Fall is my favourite because...

1. Scenic drives become even more beautiful.

2. Pumpkin flavored coffee, ice cream, bread, muffins, scones, and such come out to play for a while.

3. Long sleeve tshirts are finally able to be worn.

4. Thanksgiving is the beginning of "the holidays", and for the Metcalfs, "the holidays"=seeing cousins!!! :)

5. Seeing a thermostat read 50 degrees makes my day every single time.

6. Bonfires are so much fun!

7. Roasted marshmallows don't taste the same in the other seasons.

8. Christmas choir rehearsal begins.

9. School is almost over.

10. Stepping on crunchy leaves makes me giddy.

11. Lonnie Pearl's heater knows what's up!

12. The ambiance in shopping malls is just right--not too crazy, but exciting and festive.

13. College kids make their way home, and it's special.

I'm sure I'll think of more later...

why I love my best friend...

"'For men are not cast off by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men.'...I was sad and depressed. I had no reason to be. I felt that something was wrong...But even though I am 4000 miles away, I am still fighting this fight with you. I love you. I’m praying for you."

Yesterday, I was going through a really rough time, and I sent her an email pouring out my heart. This morning, I opened my email to find this incredibly encouraging message in my inbox. I"ll admit it: it made me cry, but I felt so loved. God is amazing. He uses words that were typed by someone on the other side of the world to comfort my heart. How gracious!

the hurt before the healing

Come, let us return. He has torn us into pieces; He has injured us. Come, let us return to the Lord. He will heal us; He will bandage our wounds. In just a short time, He'll restore us; in just a short time, He'll restore His church so we might live in His presence. O, that we might know the Lord! Let us press on to know Him. Let us press hard unto Him, and as surely as the coming of the Lord, He will respond!

While this is a song that Shane Bernard wrote, the lyrics come mostly from Hosea 6. I was talking with a friend yesterday about how God teaches us painful things. Sometimes, it seems like God enjoys teaching us painful things, but I know that's not the case. We are stubborn people who can't learn any other way. It is when I go through something painful that I most vulnerably run to the Healer. That's what He wants, right? He's wise. He knows what He's doing! For when I run to Him in those times, I do experience healing, and the things I learn from it are immeasurable. O, that I may know the Lord...that I may press hard unto Him, for HE WILL RESPOND!

20 Things

1. I just ate a fantastically (is that even a word?) well balanced lunch.
2. Cal Correnti is my favourite Correnti.
3. I look so forward to making memories.
4. I enjoy working crossword puzzles.
5. God is working on my jealous heart, and I'm thankful for it.
6. School could not end fast enough.
7. Mallory Huber owns a huge part of my heart.
8. Whit McDonald called me by the correct name today!!!!
9. I would love to be fluent in Spanish.
10. One day, I hope to learn a decent amount on the guitar.
11. Being a grown up scares me.
12. Sometimes, I think about my future career, and it excites me so much that I tear up.
13. I don't like animals.
14. Vanilla ice cream is better than chocolate.
15. You know I like you if I give you a nickname.
16. It seems that I'm going to be a lifetime big sister, and some days, I'm okay with that.
17. No matter how bad of a rap (no pun intended) it gets, I'm proud to be from Memphis, TN.
18. I can't ever decide my favourite colour.
19. The picture on my desktop is currently my favourite picture of all time.
20. Getting mail makes my day every single time.

blue lights, green lights, few lights, THE Light

The other night, three friends and I went to a blown glass exhibit here in Nashville. "Chihuly Nights" provided brilliant colors that were beyond captivating. Granted, we went on the last day of the exhibit, but there were hundreds, if not thousands, of people crowding these botannical gardens to see these lights. Nearly 20 different outdoor pieces of work and several different indoor pieces kept us awed for about 2 hours.

As the night went on, I couldn't help but think of the concept of people being drawn to the light. As we walked around, there were people of all different walks of life that were enjoying the evening, too. Some of them chose to do so while intoxicated. Other had their children with them. Some, like us, took a picnic and enjoyed the night out with friends. We were all there for one thing, though--the lights.

What is it about light that is so captivating? I, personally, am a sucker for Christmas lights. I could seriously look at them every single night during the season and be completely happy. Why is that? For me--and maybe this is true for all--the true brilliance of the lights is shown in the darkness. I hate to keep using the word 'captivating', but it's true. At Chihuly, I couldn't help but stare at the different exhibits. The lights revealed a small part of the intricateness of the glass, but they also revealed the filth of the water/land around them.

This is how Jesus works. He's beautiful, and often, for those looking for Him, He's easiest to spot in the midst of filth. You can't help but stare at Him, gazing on each and every lovely detail. O, that I may be more and more captivated by the Light of the world!

pretty cute

Since I haven't posted in a while, I firgured I'd break the silence in a light-hearted fashion.

True story: So, I'm working on a project for school during lunch today, and I run across this poem. I found it too cute not to share. While it seems a little over-the-top and completely girly, it seems to capture one of my heart's desires...even if in a humorous manner. For anyone reading, please don't put too much stock in this. I just found it amusing, and I felt that I could relate.

BOY WANTED
This "want ad" appeared in the early part of [the 20th] century.

WANTED - A boy that stands straight, sits straight, acts straight, and talks straight;

A boy whose fingernails are not in mourning, whose ears are clean, whose shoes are polished, whose clothes are brushed, whose hair is combed, and whose teeth are well cared for;

A boy who listens carefully when he is spoken to, who asks questions when he does not understand, and does not ask questions about things that are none of his business;

A boy that moves quickly and makes as little noise about it as possible;

A boy who whistles in the street, but does not whistle where he ought keep still;

A boy who looks cheerful, has a ready smile for everybody, and never sulks;

A boy who is polite to every man and respectful to every woman and girl;

A boy who does not smoke cigarettes and has no desire to learn how;

A boy who is more eager to know how to speak good English than to talk slang;

A boy that never bullies other boys nor allows other boys to bully him;

A boy who, when he does not know a thing says, "I don’t know," and when has made a mistake says "I’m sorry," and when he is asked to do a thing says "I’ll try";

A boy who looks you right in the eye and tells the truth every time;

A boy who is eager to read good books;

A boy who would rather put in his spare time at the YMCA gymnasium than to gamble for pennies in a back room;

A boy who does not want to be "smart" nor in any wise attract attention;

A boy who would rather lose his job or be expelled from school than to tell a lie or be a cad;

A boy whom other boys like;

A boy who is at ease in the company of girls;

A boy who is not sorry for himself, and not forever thinking and talking about
himself;

A boy who is friendly with his mother, and more intimate with her than anyone else;

A boy who makes you feel good when he is around;

A boy who is not a goody-goody, a prig, or a little pharisee, but just healthy, happy,
and full of life;

This boy is wanted everywhere. The family wants him, the school wants him, the office wants him, the boys want him, the girls want him, all creation wants him.

Source unknownQuoted in The Children's Book of
Virtuesby William J. Bennet

Giffeh

Can I just take a minute and talk about my youngest brother? He is absolutely incredible. I love him to death. He constantly makes me laugh, but more than just being funny, he’s a fantastic fellow.

The other night, he was injured in a football game. You have to understand that football is not his sport. He attends an extremely small school, and it’s the sort of ordeal where the athletes in the bunch just rotate jerseys all year. Griffin is truly a runner, but it’s also football season, so he’s paying his dues, so to speak. So the other night, he hyperextends his knee during the game. Bad news for a runner. Shortly after that, his friend was tackled incredibly hard, resulting in a hospital stay. When a runner injures any part of his lower limbs, chances are, he’s out for a bit. I, however, have yet to hear Griffin complain one bit about his knee. Even when I asked him about it, with “tears in his voice”, he said, “I’m not worried about that right now.” All he is thinking about is his friend.

I learned today from my mom that while his knee is still injured, it’s not causing as much pain as expected. In addition to that great news, I hear that his friend, although still in the hospital, is making great progress. When I got home tonight, my heart flooded with joy to see (via his facebook status) Griffin giving all praise to God for being the Healer.That Griffin Metcalf, yeah he’s pretty fantastic, and ladies, he’s single. I’m just warning you, though, that you’d have to deal with me, and no one messes with my brothers. Just saying.

I miss curfews and rules.

The Lord is the portion of my inheritance and my cup; You support my lot. The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, my heritage is beautiful to me.--Psalm 16:5,6

From the time I was a little girl up until now, I've dealt with boundaries...discipline. When I was a child, boundaries weren't fun. I wanted freedom and independence. I wanted the chance to prove that I could handle it...whatever "it" may be. Boy, was I silly! Who was I kidding--what can a 5 year old handle? What rational decision can a 12 year old make? Now that I'm an adult, I have that freedom and independence. Most of the time, it's good. Some times, though, I just want someone to tell me what to do. Guidance is something I wish I hadn't taken for granted. I want guidelines to follow and a list of rules. I feel like it would make things easier.

The more I think about it, though, I realize that I do have boundaries today. They may not be the same as they were 10 years ago when I lived with my parents, but they are all around me. Living in Nashville, away from my family? A boundary. Being single? A boundary. Having a year of school left when I really want to start working? A boundary. Currently making a little more than minimum wage? A boundary. Living on a campus with 35 school-aged children? A boundary. God has placed boundaries in my life, and they have fallen in pleasant places. Pleasant places....not cursed places. God has my best in mind. He is orchestrating things in my life according to the kind intention of His will. Hello!! I need this to soak into my thick head.

All that is well and good, but what happens when I'm too stubborn to appreciate the boundaries? What happens when I feel like life isn't abundant at the moment? What happens when I'm not content? If I'm honest, there are times when these feelings and thoughts pervade my mind and soul. I realize they are from the Enemy and that I shouldn't pay attention to them, but that doesn't make them any less real. It is in these moments that I must remember that the Lord is my portion. He is enough. He can fill the voids, He can satisfy the longings, and He can bring contentment to my heart, causing me to see the boundaries as pleasant. He is enough. Period.

Highlights, thus far...

This week has been insane. No joke. I've been exhausted every single afternoon, but I've had so much fun, and I've looked forward to the start of each new day. I thought it would be beneficial to us all if I just made note of some of the highlights of the week, thus far.

1. The Captains. As I'm leading this group of children around the island of Patmos (which was formerly, as in last week, also know as Grace Community Church), I'm privileged to have quite the eclectic group of guys and gals. I have the bossy older sister and the quite, obedient one. There's the smart kid with the hidden talent of beat-boxing, and the kid who tells random stories at inappropriate times. This year, in addition to all those, there's Captian Cries A Lot. He has such a tender heart...maybe too tender, because he can cry at the drop of a hat. I was sharing this with my younger brother, and he said, "Tell him Captian Whoop Some Butt will come straighten him out!" Gotta love Giffeh--that's all there is to that. It made for a nice laugh and a much more laid back morning with my new friends.

2. Emmett Stallings. There's a man in my church who, back in February, was diagnosed with colon cancer. He has has quite the bout with treatments, procedures, equipment, and such. His wife has a blog, and she has been given so much grace to be completely transparent and vulnerable during this time. It has not been an easy road for that family at all, but it's been a blessing to watch them keep the faith the whole way. Today, as we were singing during closing ceremony, I look up and see Emmett doing his percussion thing on stage. He was back in his element!! Granted, he was seated in a chair to keep from getting too worn out, but it was such a blessing to see him doing that which God has giften him to do. I couldn't stop smiling. Our God is the Healer!!!

3. Smiling Faces. If you haven't gathered, this has been a tiring week. Nearly 400 kids makes for a crazy time no matter what you are trying to accomplish--especially if you're trying to let them have fun and teach them God's truths at the same time. It's easy to get frustrated when 12 kids are saying your name at the same time. It's human nature to get tired and cranky after being in the sun for hours at a time. It's a pure joy, however, to see smiling faces of those who are working with these kids. When I see Megan Kersey smiling at the end of the day, I know she's just as tired as I am, but she has the joy of Jesus. When I see Caleb Krebs jumping up and down with the kids during worship, I know he's worn out like the rest of us, but he's sacrificing. When I see college-aged, basketball star Daniel Kelley carrying around a young girl's pink backpack purse so that she can enjoy her activities, I see the love of Christ. It's good to see kids having fun, but it's almost even better to watch people...peers...friends...serve and smile while doing it.

4. Zucchini Muffins. I got home late last night, and I had three homemade chocolate chip zucchini bread muffins waiting for me at my door. One of the house mothers made a batch of muffins, and she found it in her heart to think of the girl in apartment 6. They were D...wait for it...Licious. :)

5. The lightbulb on Day 4. As I'm going over the lesson today and tying it in with the skit, games, and songs from worship, I sensed excitement in the kids. I even noticed the lightbulb come on in a couple of them. It was all starting to make sense. It was no longer a bunch of random, hodge podge of fun. It was all being woven together. Only the Holy Spirit can do that. It's exciting!

6. "Places in the Heart". The other day, I saw about 40 minutes of this movie. I had never seen it before, but what I saw that day, I really enjoyed it. Sometime soon, I will rent it and watch it in its entirety. Dureing the 40 minutes I was able to watch it, I saw several intense scenes of many different raw, human emotions very adequately portrayed on screen. There are so many things that go on in our hearts, and I feel like we often keep them bottled up. It was neat to see how this movie portrayed them so well. I look forward to seeing the rest of it.

7. Laughing with the girls. Wednesday night Bible study is always a good time for me. There's usually only 4 of us there, but we have so much fun. It seems like the schedule of events chages from week to week, but there's always a common thread of honesty, fellowship, and lots and lots of laughter. This week, I especially needed all three of those things. It was a blast!

8. Rocky Banks' playwrighting ability. If you don't know him, look his up. He's incredible. Another talented member of Grace, he wrote the skit for VBS. It is awesome. Each night, I've come home and read the next day's scene. Each night, I end up in tears. Absoultely incredible. The passion sensed in his writing the Gospel in a narrative form like he's done has been somehting that my heart has desperately needed these past few days. I have benefited greatly from it.

As you can see, it's been a whirlwind of a week, but it's been so much fun. What's even better is there's more to come. Golly, I'm like a kid in a candy store. I can't get enough. I can't wait to see what God will do next!

it's for the grown-ups, too

I found out some disappointing news today. It’s stuff that I don’t yet want to talk about. My feelings were hurt, I was let down, frustrated, and a little in shock. Trying to get my mind of things, I turned to the VBS material. I have the privilege of leading of group of 12 children around this week. They are my “church family”, and I get to build relationships with them and talk to them about the things they are learning—things centered around the Gospel. It can wear you out, but when does ministry not do that??

In my state of sadness, disappointment, frustration, and anger with the Enemy, I began reading tomorrow’s scene in the week’s drama. At the end of the act, I came across this quote:

“So now here you sit with the pain of betrayal. But Agatha, you have betrayed, you have lied, you have sinned. I know, because I have, too. But Jesus has taken away our sin; He died for it. He forgives sin…Have faith, turn to Him, repent and believe. Oh, how many times I’ve preached those words to others and myself. I am nearly ninety years old, but those words are still sweet and new every day.”

Oh, that I may not judge. May I love, instead. For that is what Christ did for me.

In the Waiting Room

Okay, so I like music. A lot. There are times, though, that I find a really good song--even times, although rare, that I find a really good record. I know it's a good find when I can go months without hearing it, and hearing it again is like hearing it for the first time. Shane and Shane's Psalms is one of these for me. I bought the thing over five years ago, and I've listened to it in its entirety more times than I can count. Each time I play it, though, a different song speaks to my heart. Today was no different. I'm driving down the road, simultaneously swapping CDs in the player (kids, don't try this at home), when "Waiting Room" smacks me in the face. It's a song that I know quite well, but today the words were like a fresh, quiet breath from the Holy Spirit. It brought rest to my weary heart, peace to my racing mind, and a little more clarity to my confusion, and before I knew it, I was allowed to utter those same lyrics as a prayer to my Sovereign Lord.

I will run when I cannot walk
I will sing when there is no song
I will pray when there is no prayer
I will listen when I cannot hear

Sitting in the waiting room of silence
Waiting for that still soft voice I know
Offering my words up to the rooftop to Your heart
Trusting that this closet's where You are

Lord I know if I change my mind
You will change my heart in time
Sovereign Lord this time's from You
So I sit in the waiting room of silence
Cause it´s all about You

I will fight when I cannot feel
I will trust when You don't seem real
I will tell when I cannot speak
I will step when I cannot see

Sometimes, I feel like life's not all that exciting right now. If I'm honest, I often wish I was at the next step, doing the next big thing. I wish I was finished with school, pursuing my career, in a relationship, and the list goes on. I find myself getting discouraged when people ask how I'm spending my summer, because compared to their adventures, my days of Smoothie King and life guarding aren't that glamorous. God's reminding me, though, that just because I may not feel like mush is happening doesn't mean He's not at work. What does He have to teach me on Thursday nights while I watch kids swim? How can I learn from and serve Him while I mix fruits in blenders?

I want to sing when there seems to be no song, to pray when there seems to be no prayer, to listen when I can't seem to hear. I want to fight when I can't seem to feel and step when I can't seem to see. I want to trust Him when He doesn't seem real. This silence...yeah, it's from Him, too. I'll sit in it, I'll rejoice in it, and I'll wait for Him.

Easily Entangled

I guess I've never noticed just how quickly a vine can grow. I was recently given a bike, which I was pretty pumped about. While I have never riden much, I looked forward to making time to ride. The Friday before last, I was privileged to go on a bike ride with my friends on campus. We had great fun, and it felt really good to put the bike to use and simultaneously feel the sun and wind in my face. After the ride, I propped the bike up against the front of my apartment, looking forward to the next time I would go for a ride. That was 10 days ago.

This afternoon, I decided to go riding around my neighborhood. I knew there are several large hills nearby, but I was geared up and ready for the challenge. I went to get the bike when I noticed that it was stuck. Vines had spiraled their way around several of the spokes on the back wheel. It wasn't just looped around a couple of times. When I say "spiraled", I mean it. I'm talking the whole length of the spokes and then some. I couldn't believe it. It had only been a mere 10 days that the bike had been in that position. You would have thought it had been there for months.

The thought then came to me: "That's exactly what sin does, and then some." I can be chilling, waiting on the next big adventure, when the small, seemingly insignificant sins around me can, in no time, choke the life out of me. It may first start to grab hold of a thought (a spoke...no big deal, right? Wrong!), but the thoughts turn into to words and actions.

This teaches me two things:
1. Plead to the Father to grant grace that kills sin when it is first noticed. How imperative it is to not get comfortable with sin! It must die, and it must die quickly. If it doesn't, it will give birth to death.
2. Don't be lazy under the guise of relaxation. This practically invites sin in. I may not feel like this is the most exciting or adventurous time in my life, but that gives no room for idleness. Even when I feel like life is mundane (which is, I'm learning, never really the case), I should be making myself busy about His business. For He is always working in my heart; I'm just not always paying attention to the things He is doing. Instead of relaxation, why not pursue a greater knowledge of Him? Since I'm free from projects and exams for the next month, why not dig deeply into the Word each day? Since I'm not currently bound to memorizing muscle and joint patterns, why not meditate on Scripture?

When I'm lazy, I give way to sin. Seeing that vine wound so tightly around the spokes of my bike reminded me of how tightly sin can grab hold of and so subtly choke me. Father, I ask for Your grace that allows me to see the sin in my life. May I heed Your Word and take every thought captive, making every effort to kill sin before it kills me.

Have you eaten your Bread today?

Yesterday, I did something I've never done before--I made a delicious loaf of bread. Granted, it was rise-and-bake rolls that ended up as one glob of dough, but in the end, it was, nonetheless, delicious. I'd be lying if I said it didn't constitute two of my last 3 meals. I, ashamedly, admit that I let guilt get the best of me, and I started dogging myself about my lack of self control and pathetic eating habits.

Just a few moments ago, as I was running on the treadmill at the gym, sweat running down my face, I was reminded of that passages that speak of Jesus being the Bread of Life and during Jesus' temptation, when He answered Satan, telling him that "Man does not live on bread alone..."

Yes, the bread last night was fantasticaly delicious, and it satisfied for a moment, but you know what? I woke up hungry this morning. You know what else? I got hungry at lunchtime, too. Yes, there was physical hunger still there, but I truly believe there was and is a longing...a hunger...deep down within me that a few pieces of warm, buttered bread can never satisfy.

So often, I feel like overeating is one of my greatest temptations. That's what happened with the bread, and I saw what happened afterwards. I wasn't ultimately satisfied. It's times like this when I wish I could just say no to the temptation in the first place. I'm then reminded of God's promise in Corinthians:

No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.

I love this verse because it's not sugar-coated. It doesn't promise a life of no temptation. In fact, it promises that we will have temptation, but it also promises that God will provide a way of escape. He promises endurance through temptation. For me, that's incredibly encouraging! Temptation is inevitable; it's part of the Christian walk. Here's the great part: It's not impossible to say no. Jesus did!

After a Brief Hiatus...

Yesterday, I was able to accompany some friends to Radnor Lake, a beautiful place to enjoy God's creation here in Nashville. While we were walking, our "tour guide", John--appropriately deemed, Mr. REI--did an excellent job at pointing out wildlife, trees, and other especially beautiful parts of our Father's handiwork that we often take for granted.

We, as a group, were encouraged, on more than one occasion, to either close our eyes and/or be silent for several minutes as we either stayed still and looked around us or simply closed our eyes and listened to the noises that filled the air. During one of these times, I found myself sitting on the ground, eyes closed, listening to all the noises around me. I heard several birds chirpping, a fish jump in the water, dragonflies buzzing, and even Austin--9 mos. old and the youngest member of our group--crying for his mom. As I heard all these different sounds, I was reminded of the fact that each one was coming from one of God's many creations. Each one, in its own way, became extraordinarily beautiful. I was reminded of the lyrics to an old song:

All creatures of our God and King,
Lift up your voice, and with us sing.
Oh, praise Him! Alleluia!

How neat it was to realize that the noises I was hearing were really cries of praise to my Father! It seemed to give Lk 19:40 all the more meaning in my mind...that if we, as disciples, are silent, the very stones will cry out! What a privilege we have to worship our Creator! May we not neglect this and, in doing so, give way for another to complete such an honorable task.

As we continued walking, I was talking with Tierra, one of the teenagers with us, about the power of God that was made so evident by the flood damage that still remains in so many areas. We both seemed amazed at the number of trees--huge, massive, hundreds-of-years-old trees--that were basically uprooted and ended up laying across the road. There was damage to the pavement like I've never seen before--sinkholes that probably 4+ fully grown men could stand in. Again, I was reminded of God's power. He commanded, and the winds, rains, and trees obeyed. It was that simple. There were so many thoughts that I had trouble articulating, but as I shared what I could with Tierra, she alluded to the movie 2012. While I haven't seen it, I've gathered some of the basic storyline from things I've heard. If I'm not mistaken, it's basically a high-tech, sci-fi prediction of how the world will end. At one point Tierra said, "I think God will prove all those people wrong...and I'm gonna laugh!" I was so glad to hear her say such a thing! She's right; the world, as we know it, will end, but nobody knows the time, and I'm absolutely positive that Hollywood will be proven incorrect. I mean, really, you don't want to mess with the power of God!

after an incredibly long few days...

I'm way too tired to comment in depth, but I wanted to jot down some thoughts/quotes/paraphrases I've come across recently. I will elaborate more later....or you can give me your feedback. That'd be nice!

• There are many layers in the Christian's life. Don't get the add-ons confused with the basic core.
• "I gotta run, but I gotta keep lookin' up. That's hard."--AK
• I've been so diligent with my physical exercise. Am I as dedicated to my time in the Word? How's my stride when I run that race?
• Do I really believe that the Bible is God's spoken word?

Exhausted. Bed. Sleep.

Sister Sarah?

I recently had a really neat conversation about God's provision with a friend who made the comment, "I just don't get God's favor! I mean, I'm a punk..." To him, I replied, "You're His child." That's when my friend, shaking his head, looked up at me and said, "Not just child...co-heir with Christ....brothers!"

We continued to rejoice about the provisions God had made in my friend's life, but I left that conversation, continuing to think about the concept of not just being God's child...but Christ's sibling. About an hour later, I was doing part of a Bible study and I came across Hb 2:10-11. "...From one Father...He is not ashamed to call [us] brethren..." Again, mind blown. I looked up other verses that have this same heir in them. I found Rm 8:16,17. "The Spirit Himself testifies with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, heirs also, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him so that we may also be glorified with Him."

Co-heir. Sibling. If you know me well at all, you know I have two brothers. I love them dearly, and I'm honored to say we have fairly decent relationships. I see them differently than I see the rest of the world. For instance, my youngest brother and I can have conversations that I can't have with the rest of the world. Around my brothers, I can totally be myself. If I'm angry, I tell them. (Although, they usually know it before I say anything.) There have been times that I've been upset and could only talk to one of my brothers. That's just how it is. To add to this, my brothers and I look a lot alike. I realize that this is not the case with all siblings, but it's working to make my point, so bear with me!

I think about the aforementioned qualities in relation to Christ. Scripture tells us that He and I are from the same Father. I'm His sister! Maybe I'm weird, but this absolutely blows my mind! It's incredible. I have a special bond with Christ that I don't have with the world. I can go to Him, in honesty and vulnerability, and spill my heart out to Him. He'll listen. He'll care. He'll protect me and love me. He's my brother! About looking like Him...oh, that I may resemble the face of Christ!

This is a high blessing, but it's also a high calling! One day, we, as believers, will be glorified with Christ. Amazing. First, however, we must follow His example of suffering.

Ancient Hymn?

I was recently reminded of a song that I heard for the first time several months ago. This time when I heard it, I pretty much fell in love with the lyrics. I've literally listened to the same track on the CD in my car about 10 times in the past 24 hours. The song is "Merciful God", a song we sometimes sing at my church. Take a look, for yourself, at these lyrics, and let me know what you think:

Merciful God, oh, abounding in love, faithful to all who draw near You;Hearing the cries of the humble in heart, showing the Cross they may cling to. Helpless I come, broken in sin, found at the feet of Your mercy.Father, forgive; May my sin be remembered no more.

Merciful God, oh, abounding in love, faithful through times we have failed You.Selfish in thought and uncaring in deed, foolish in word and ungrateful.Spirit of God, conquer our hearts, with love that flows from forgiveness.Cause us to yield and return to the mercy of God.

Merciful God, oh, abounding in love, faithful to keep us from falling.Guiding our ways with Your fatherly heart, growing our faith with each testing.God speed the day struggles will end; Faultless we’ll gaze on Your glory.Then we will stand overwhelmed by the mercy of God.

This afternoon, I decided to look up the lyrics to find out who wrote them. I didn't know what to expect. It has an old hymn feel to it (by the way, it was written in 2006!!), but it wouldn't have suprised me to find it written by someone in our congregation. What I didn't expect, though, was to find it written by Keith and Kristyn Getty. My dad introduced me to these guys, and they are brilliant. They have written some stuff that I've been familiar with. In fact, other artists have been known to record their work, but I haven't been aware of the original writers. They are described as modern hymn writers, and I would not be quick to argue that point. God is really using them to write some incredible stuff!

I couldn't find the full version of this song, but I did find this. I look forward to finding, learning, and singing more of their songs.

I have friends who are all about the instrumentation of a piece of music, but to me, there is nothing better than a song loaded with rich, deep, Gospel-centered text. That's what Mr. and Mrs. Getty are giving us, and to them, I am incredibly appreciative!

By the way, thanks, Dad. They're awesome! :)

This flower, I give to you

A friend of mine went out of town for a few days, and she asked me to get her mail while she was gone. While I was in her neighborhood today, I decided to go running around her subdivision instead of the park, for a change in scenery during exercise always makes it go faster...not to mention how seeing new places is one of my favorite things to do! I had begun trekking down a particular street that runs along one of the rivers that flooded. With nearly every home on both sides of the street being flooded, the entire street has had a distinct, dense blanket of moldy smelling air for about a month now. Although the smell has gotten less offensive, it is still noticable. I was running along, thinking about the families that own these homes, the children that grew up there, the tennis players whose courts were destroyed, the possessions lost, the lives affected, when all of a sudden, this floral scent is filling my nostrils. It only lasted a few seconds, and then it was gone--back to the damp, moldy, outdoorish smell. I looked around, realizing I had passed a magnolia tree. How awesome! Amidst a mile's worth of yucky odors, the fruit of this tree gave off such a pleasant aroma. Is that not how we should be as believers? Is that not what we are called to be as God's children? At this point, I was tired, sweaty, and feeling like I wasn't sure if I could make it the whole mile, but my thoughts changed. I no longer saw the negative things that were left from the flood. I no longer saw the destruction. I saw grace. I remembered that no one, at least on that street, had experienced death. I was counting my blessings for having not been affected to that extent. I was thankful for my friend and her son whose home is up a hill and wasn't affected at all by the flood waters. Two passages came to mind as I made my way back to my friend's house.

From Corinthians 2:14-16,

But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and manifests through us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place. For we are a fragrance of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing; to the one an aroma from death to death, to the other an aroma from life to life...

And from Ephesians 5:1,2

Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.

Corinthians talks about us, as believers, being that aroma to the world. This is only because of Christ living in us. Ephesians talks about Christ, Himself, being a sweet aroma. It only makes sense for Him to the true Source of any sweet fragrance we know.

Flexibility=Friendship

I had the most fun today that I've had in a long time. It wasn't planned, it wasn't expensive, nor was it expected. Today, I sat in the grass and made a new friend. We talked "business". We laughed. We joked. We talked about the day of the Lord's return. We were swarmed with flying insects and ants. Honesty was appreciated. Fears were shared. Prior appointments were missed. The conversation that was probably meant to last a few minutes turned into about an hour and a half. We were flexible.

Flexibility--it's amazing what God does when I let go, make myself flexible to His plans, if you will, and watch Him work. Yes, schedules are good, but ministry is better. Set times for group Bible study are necessary, but oh, the joy that comes from unhurried, laid back, chill time with fellow sisters in Christ! Date books are quite handy, but what a priviledge to clear a calendar and watch how God plans the day. Barlines give great structure to a piece of music, but the beauty that bursts forth when the heavenly Orchestrator conducts the piece is amazing!

I had my day planned. I had eaten lunch and exercised. I was going to finish watching a television show about the toxins in food (yes, I'm a nerd), read a little bit, take my time showering, and venture out to an fun, music-filled evening with some friends. I was checking my email and watching my food toxins program when there was a knock on my door. The above activities ensued (paragraph 1), thus changing my entire afternoon plans. I was left with 10 mintues of unwatched toxin-ology, no C.S. Lewis, and 20 minutes to shower, get dressed and head to the concert across town. Was I frustrated? No. It was pure bliss. I was flexible. I didn't let my thwarted plans ruin my day. I had so much fun. Really. God knew exactly what He was doing, and I enjoyed watching Him work.

In good times and in bad...

No, I'm not practicing wedding vows, although, sometimes I feel like I need tangible vows to refer back to with my relationship with the Lord. Why is it that I am so quick to turn to God when things aren't going so well, but when everything seems right in my world, I seem to put Him on the back burner, feeling like I can handle things on my own? This is frustrating to my heart. I feel like Paul...the things I shouldn't do, I do, while the things that I should do, I don't.

Tonight, we had a sweet, intimate time of corporate prayer and worship at church. In one of the songs we sang, a particular verse stuck out. Though I've sung this song several times before, I had never heard this additional verse:

When I'm satisfied,

Oh, When I'm satisfied,

When I'm satisfied, give me Jesus.

Give me Jesus.

Give me Jesus. You can have all this world;

Just give me Jesus.

Perhaps it's pathetically fundamental, but my heart needed to be reminded of my desperation and absolute need for Jesus...even when I'm not in "times of need". Maybe it'd be better to say especially when I don't consider myself to be in "times of need". That mentality, however, is not correct. I'm always in need. I can do nothing--absolute zilch--without Jesus.

I'm reminded of something I heard a man say today. While I can't remember his exact terminology, he said something to the effect of God anticipates the petitions of His people. This blows my mind. The Almighty wants to hear from us...from me. Who in the world do I think I am to have had a heart change and to know that change only took place by His grace, and then to not spend time with the Heart Surgeon? It's His heart. His heart now beats in my chest. This means that my desires are now capable of being His desires. Oh, that my flesh may die!

...Like a Child

Although I've been her child for 22 years, I've never been one to think I look like my mother. Yes, I inherited her straight, holds-no-curl-no-matter-how-much-hairspray-you-use hair, and I have astigmatism that I can attribute to Jenny Metcalf, but as far as looks go, I just don't think I look like her. That is, until I saw a recent photo that my grandpa took. I was amazed at how much I am beginning to look like my mother. It's a little scary because I am realizing that I'm no longer a little girl. I'm growing up and becoming an adult--an adult who looks like her mother. I must say it is quite the honor. Mom, look out. Here I come...gray, straight hair, and all!

I've been thinking about this concept of a child looking like her parent for a few days now. Not all children look like their parents. Some children are adopted and look nothing like the people they call parents. More important than outward appearance is how a child looks in his heart. I was running in the park this afternoon, as I saw a little boy with a scooter. He had been riding his scooter, but when I noticed him, he was walking every so gingerly with a scooter handle in one hand and staring down at the other hand that was cupped and obviously holding something very important to this little boy. He was making sure to pay special attention that his treasure was not hurt. He went so far as to not even pay attention to get out of the way of those [namely,me] running on the track. As I got closer to this little boy, I realized that he was holding a butterfly. I thought about the beauty in that. This kid, having a scooter that is probably every second grader's dream, took the time to notice a butterfly. Not just to notice it, but to take care of it.

Now, I'm not trying to get all "green" or anything, but oh, how I wish to be like that. That I may take time out of my crazy, materialistic days to notice my Father's creation. May I have a heart like this child to care about and deem beautiful the things God has made. Oh, that I may look more like my Father!

A Different Perspective

Perhaps one of the best things about being out of school for the summer is the time available for leisure reading. It is something I have missed a great deal. Even though I’ve missed it, I still have to practice self-discipline to choose to fill my free time with reading instead of television or countless, useless hours of internet. A few days ago, I picked up my copy of C.S. Lewis’ The Screwtape Letters, and I realized that I hadn’t finished it. Now, this book is a difficult read. Not in the sense of the vocabulary used or the complexity of the things discussed, but it is difficult because I have trouble thinking in the “backwards” way that Lewis writes there. “Enemy” does not normally refer to God, and “Our Father” is not terminology I use to talk about Satan. It’s an interesting read, but a little crazy at first.

This morning, I was reading a little more of it, and I ran across a description of humility that I had never seen nor thought about before. Lewis writes, “...thousands of humans have been brought to think that humility means pretty women trying to believe they are ugly and clever men trying to believe they are fools…The Enemy [here, referring to God] wants to bring the man to a state of mind in which he could design the best cathedral in the world, and know it to be the best, and rejoice in the fact, without being any more (or less) or otherwise glad at having done it than he would be if it had been done by another. The Enemy [again, referring to God] wants him, in the end, to be so free from any bias in his own favour that he can rejoice in his own talents as frankly and gratefully as in his neighbor’s talents—or in a sunrise, an elephant, or a waterfall.”

What a concept! I think commonplace "Christianity" portrays humility in a very poor light. The world sees humility as this horribly awful, self-loathing concept. Quite the contrary! Humility is beautiful. Humility was personified in Jesus! God has given me talents. When I use those talents to do great things (or, more often than not, just average things), that’s wonderful. In fact, it brings Him glory. It is my job to take any praise or admiration that I receive from said talents and lavish those things on Christ. When those around me use their talents to do great things, I should be just as quick to acknowledge God for His goodness in equipping that individual with such talents, skills, and ability.

Label Conscious?

I’m not the kind to take a spontaneous shopping trip; in fact, I really don’t care for shopping much at all. Today, however, I found myself going to several different places in search of particular items. A large part of my afternoon was, unfortunately, spent at the mall. While walking around in search of my items, I overheard a woman talking on her cell phone. Nearly verbatim, she said that she would say a “real quick prayer” and get back to [the caller]. My first thought was, “Huh, a fellow Christian.” Then, I realized the sadness of what had just transpired. No sooner had I thought what a shame it was for her to put a time limit on prayer, when the Holy Spirit smacked me in the face and brought to mind times when I had done the same thing—put God in a box, in the name of Christianity. “Yeah, I can meet you on Sunday. I’ll go to church, but we’ll be out by noon.” “We need to really pray about this mission trip, because God can do awesome things in that foreign country.” I say these things as if God has to show up between 9 and noon on Sunday, and if He chooses to work outside of those boundaries, I’m not interested, or it’s as if there’s no need to pray for local mission work, because God only really works in foreign lands. Do I believe these ways? I pray that I don’t, but I’m afraid that my actions (words) often prove otherwise. “Father, I do believe. Help my unbelief”, seems to be the common cry among some friends and I, recently.

These thoughts made me think about the labels we put on things. A label that I think is often misused is that of “Christian”. The word means Christ-follower; it breaks my heart to see our nation called a Christian nation. We, as a nation, don’t follow Christ. It breaks my heart to see so many friends and family members call themselves Christians when the fruit of their lives shows otherwise. It breaks my heart to call myself a Christian at times when drag the name of Christ through the dirt.

What do our labels mean? I’m convinced that they mean nothing in comparison to what’s inside the container, so to speak. If I have two bottles of Sprite, and I pour one bottle out and fill it up with water, it makes no difference what the plastic labels say. What’s inside is what’s true. Sure, the label on one bottle accurately tells my friend that he will taste Sprite when he takes a drink, but the other label is no longer good. This makes me think of the term “high priest” used in the Bible. Throughout the years, there have been several men known as high priests, but one Man, Jesus, is the Perfect High Priest. Same label, somewhat similar content, VERY different effect and duration.

In addition to this, it matters who is doing the labeling. In reading through Hebrews tonight, I was struck by the language used to label 1)Christ and 2)those who follow Him. God, Himself, calls Jesus “God”. This is incredible! I mean, I believe in the triune God, and I’ve grown up in church and heard that all my life, but tonight it hit me like a ton of bricks. This is one man—Jesus. Some people labeled Him a liar. They made fun of Him, mocked Him, labeled Him worthless, really. God, however, labeled Him “God”. Incredible! What does it matter what others label me? My identity is found in Christ and how He labels me. That brings me to how those who follow Christ are labeled in Hebrews. Chapter 3 calls us “holy brethren”. Hello! First of all, holy. Without blemish. Like God. Second, brethren. Brothers of Christ. “For both He who sanctifies and those who are sanctified are all from one Father…” (Hb 2:11) Now, that, is an honorable calling! Father, may I find my worth in You alone.

This Pilgram's Progress

"Faith purifies the heart; unbelief keeps the heart polluted."--John Bunyan

The timing of the Father is incredible. For the past few weeks, God's been dealing with some deep-rooted issues in my heart--issues that I haven't wanted to think about. The Holy Spirit's gone places where I didn't want it to go. I've thought deeply about things that I wanted to store away in the very back filing folders of my mind. I've wrestled with feelings of lonliness, inadequacy, laziness. God has revealed idols in my life. At my very core, I want to run and hide, pretending not to be aware of the things that are happening, but there's a small inkling of my spirit that cries out, "Hallelujah! He still hasn't left."

Over the past week or so, while all of this has been happening, I've been reminded of a small gem that was shown me two summers ago. Two small words that, up until that point, I had more than likely overlooked..."consider Jesus". These two words are found in Hebrews 3:1. Two years ago, those words spoke volumes in my life, and today, they are doing the same thing. In everything, consider Jesus. In my relationships with people, am I entirely focused on making myself look the best I can, or do I consider Jesus? In my free time, do I spend countless hours on meaningless, selfish pleasure, or do I consider Jesus? In my time with the Lord, am I trying to make excuses for not spending time with Him, or do I consider Jesus? In my singleness, am I having a pity party, or do I consider Jesus?

I've found myself considering all that He's been doing in my life recently. While some of it has been painful, I'm encouraged by the fact that He's working. As Elisabeth Elliot says, "Pruning is part of the growing process." Bethany Dillon also makes this points as she sings, "Anything must die to rise again." Oh, and who could forget when Dolly Parton said, "If you want the rainbow, you gotta' take the rain." The growing, the rising, the rainbow--I saw glimpses of them tonight. I had already been thinking about my beloved, aforementioned, simple phrase when I get to Bible study and realize we are starting a new study on none other than Hebrews. We talked a lot about faith, talking briefly about the things in life that cause unbelief in our hearts. I was immediately drawn back to the loneliness, the inadequacy, and the laziness.

Why are these things prevalent in my thoughts? I allow them to be. I fill up void time with useless crap. Instead of reading, I watch television. Instead of spending time in the Word, I sleep. Instead of investing in the lives of people, I focus on myself. Instead of having a purified mind, I have a polluted one. Instead of having faith, I harbour unbelief. Oh, that I may be able to fully understand what Mr. Bunyan meant. Oh, that I may be full of faith!

Owning, Keeping, and Sharing

Over the years, I've enjoyed reading the writings of others, and I've had my share of blogging and journaling in the past. I don't mind picking up a pad of paper and jotting down periodical thoughts, but I honestly thought my days of virtual journaling were over. To my surprise, however, the thoughts and posts of some friends, along with what I know to be conviction from the Holy Spirit, recently spurred within me great mental wrestling with several issues. I decided that those things needed to be sorted out, and it may be that the best way to do that is to put them here.

I don't want them here for people to see, as much I want them here for me to see. It's one thing to physically write things down, but letting my fingers madly fly across this keyboard seems to more accurately get my thoughts from in there to out here. It's also not a bad deal to be able to hit 'delete' whenever something comes out in a way that I didn't mean for it to. :)

So the posts that follow are for me. They're for my heart, my soul, my mind. I hope to turn to Scripture and song to encourage my spirit. I hope to vent about pain and suffering and to learn from those things. I hope to be real. I hope to be reminded of the hope that I have in Christ. While these posts are mainly for me, I invite you to join me in this journey...